[generated output in 2 tries] THE BUTTER SHAVE written by gregg kavet & andy robin INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING elaine at dr. resnick's office ELAINE tell ping I said it could be closing in. PREGNANT WOMAN i'm a ELAINE but we gotta came clean. OLDER MAN is the photo I remembered the videotape surveillance system that I have left it here. ELAINE all I need someone to just sense it OLDER MAN hey, hey! PRIEST una senora que te vino a ver. ella dice que tiene informacion muy PREGNANT WOMAN oh, jerry... people should plunk down two-thousand dollars to detail it, and then the waitress, get her number. ELAINE ha ha ha BUSINESS MAN you know that but at least come over tonight. we can get you through it. ELAINE oh. ok. thank you. elaine turns to face george. GEORGE I suppose if it would be disgusted by your magic JERRY well, I guess it was like you're getting it all right we're coming down. GEORGE hitting phone lisi is on fire! LISI 20 minutes. JERRY in your bedroom, cause your bed is really bad meal. I was under the table. LISI well, I mean I can't believe it. JERRY you know how we did date for a person. LISI I thought that was really sort of casual elegance. JERRY beautiful. LISI then may I help you? EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT jerry comes back JERRY yes, well that makes you happy, I don't even know that it could be one of us.. CINDY so? JERRY hello, newman. CINDY no. that was ... JERRY well, this'll be a horrible moment. I just.. CINDY I made it up! what's the matter with your busy schedule you'd have to be honest, it just looks down. JERRY so, are you goin'? CINDY I don't know. JERRY yeah. CINDY I made a fortune off of those. JERRY c'mon, that's not mine. CINDY thanks jerry, gotta run. cindy comes from living under a funky mattress. I gotta run, but um, please, please give my your birthday wish. and now he's moving back here. move your arms and legs please. JERRY she died. EXT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING george pulls down a chair? GEORGE I got it back to the proctologist. LADY oh! is that how you're gonna have LADY 2 he's funny. EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT kramer holds the door to us cause they make you anything. INT. KRUGER'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY the room here. i'll lift it up tomorrow. SALES WOMAN you want from GEORGE why not. SALES WOMAN the asking price is $1.5 million. george is JERRY huh? INT. JERRY'S CAR - DAY george walks in just as before. elaine is wrapping up a handicap spot... GEORGE how do we get it. MAN hey hey GEORGE you're selling computers? MAN you're soaking wet. who are you saying? GEORGE ah, would you like golf, mr. kramer? MAN what area? new jersey? george enters wearing a 1200$ gaultier dress. MR. GRAHAM we need two people in my roll-out tie dispenser? what was I liked it. GEORGE I learned my lesson from that football game. MR. STEINBRENNER that stuff in turkey that makes me feel very strongly about? GEORGE what do you still like you, when someone is waiting for it to me. right. i'll be waiting long. I have to become a couple, george? MR. PLESS thanks for coming. what's the difference? jerry's standup piece. the orderly closes the door looking terrible GEORGE what? is that it? DELIVERY MAN delivery from melody stationaries. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING kramer stands behind the counter. the doors begin to close. as they approach him and jerry. KRAMER no buts. his apartment JERRY all right, bye. hey! KRAMER i'm telling ya.. JERRY pretty good. KRAMER it's my only concern is that your eating over there? JERRY that's right, choochie. let's see what I KRAMER nope, we got to tell you that walkman you're always making a big salad for somebody it would peel right jerry reaches for her phone. JERRY oh, that'll intrigue him. jerry sits in a delicate white wine sauce with just one more stretch and then he went at the door. GEORGE george! she said since my visit he's taken a hatchet and smashed it JERRY are you trying to work with shut-ins. GEORGE ask her out. MARIO here's your big showcase for record producers at his map. he is dumb. JERRY ah, it's my space! GEORGE now if I want thirty-five percent. GEORGE yes, but smart as a serial killer. ELAINE nuthin'. then he drops the camera, the camera GEORGE kramer?! GEORGE AND JERRY ARE IN HOT PURSUIT. THEY KNOCK OVER THE SPEAKER all of del boca ELAINE hey, is that it could be any day now. GEORGE ...and then peterman ate it. I just talked to you JERRY well, what about getting that mail outta there? george avoids elaine's gaze, looking down. KRAMER hey. JERRY shut up, you know. sink my teeth into it. KRAMER i'm down. ELAINE no, it's too late now anyway. I didn't use too much trouble to come to a piece of work! JERRY it's a good thing with a bad peach? that's an old mechanical adding machine rapidly. he mouths GEORGE well I-I... JERRY uh? KRAMER i'm not going to, do it, sorry, I can't imagine what she was too expensive. JERRY so what happened? ANGLE ON: KRAMER AND MYRA. ELAINE you were all over dinner before they change me. ya know what you don't think so. i've seen her naked every week, except me. A kid leans out the window with a thump. george enters. ELAINE no no, i'm not. I would hit two home runs in the back of a name yet? she moves back and forth between your cornea and the mets front ELAINE mmmm. BOY gammy! ELAINE no. do you mind? BOY the tryout lasts three and four hundred dolars worth of snacks. not to give to charles grodin on his car. ELAINE george, are gathered her today to unite this couple she had man-hands. BOY the tryout lasts three and a woman, isn't it? ELAINE all right, i'm gonna say. BOY thanks a lot! ELAINE tell noreen i'll just call jerry, tell them apart by just the four of us, you'll take a bath in the head! BOY gammy krantz, it's your phone. he seems pretty happy about that. ELAINE no, no. deena, it's not like you. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS INT. SECURITY OFFICE - GEORGE AND JERRY ah, kramer. elaine does a funeral on friday? ELAINE no. CAB DRIVER i'm sorry to interrupt or anything, if that's who bozo is? ELAINE it's not for long. i'm breaking up for the records. so if you can't tell you what to do. she even ordered cereal at a time like what? no, tell me. it's eating me up with a beautiful, intelligent women? ELAINE oh is that a sectional? the front office. wilhelm, I think she might be the anti-christ. KRAMER yeah! ELAINE I like sneakers. KRAMER hey, c'mon, c'mon, get off of ME! ELAINE he's not american. JERRY yes, I am. ELAINE no jerry, don't you just get your pants off? JERRY kramer, give me a coke. ELAINE hi george. MAN what is it? ELAINE O.K. you got it from her. I heard a, like a rolling writer. they're very friendly to THEY FINALLY YANK THE BABY AWAY FROM HIM. THERE IS ELAINE we'll see. THEY REACT... ELAINE I like their chances. THEY REACT... ELAINE right, so, I haven't been around long enough to watch the movie, and lifts them chest high. ELAINE ok, gentlemen. the fact that any time with family. JERRY oh, come on, we'll go out with somebody else? ELAINE what're you saying? JERRY they deliver the old yankee players, and as she can check porn, and stock quotes. GEORGE here's the registry. send her one of those things. george at this cartoon stinks. JERRY hey, if you get up in the world famous GEORGE without his glasses. so uh, what do I do?! what do you think? JERRY ya, that's the.. last thing in the truck. they don't get it. JERRY you liked, newman? LISI uh-huh. uh-huh. in what you...do. EXT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY jerry and newman. JERRY really? shade? kramer finally manages to get new friends. i'd have the proof of this game. JERRY i'm asking! KRAMER hey, jerry! what's up? kramer turns abruptly and hit me, seinfeld. I just don't want morgan's job. he's a bum. that's why you're not leaving JERRY uhh... NEWMAN so, which one of those big metal buttons back to christie. PASSENGER 1 you're not letting you stay away from me. ELAINE yeah. comprehension problem. no what I wanted to try. puddy sits down opposite elaine, preparing to leave. WOMAN they're so grateful that you're making too much trouble to come down to 48th street? I think it would be something, this is crazy, I could see how you do that? PUDDY caring about how cool ELAINE no no no, none that I don't have any place to sit there and he was supposed to do? you gonna do a set of keys, PASSENGER 3 I ordered it six weeks of traveling through mexico all on peterman's peso. PUDDY I know. it's just a quick 50 bucks? i'd put my half is gone. ELAINE because it's insane? PUDDY tell me you're gonna have to work in the elaine with her you said hi. hey, the bull owes me one, I helped him with ELAINE good luck. changed. we're back in a body bag. 12 hours ago. PUDDY I know you're not gonna be o'brien? ELAINE you can get you some if that's alright with you? PASSENGER 3 I ordered george to pick it up! ELAINE how much you pay? elaine walks down the weights, and rolls them out of here. MALE UNBONDING ELAINE I don't know, I gotta move. MALE WORKER you know karate?? ELAINE your whole weekend? what about the dog. he licked himself and extracts a bill. he another subway. sits next to you. WORKER get the messages. MALE WORKER I think i've changed my mind, make it in a week? they start to...itch. BECKY that's right. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY INT. BLEACHERS - DAY - ESTABLISHING elaine is listening, with her you lost a job opening. dick, this is a knock at the money. MAN all right, hang on, gammy! you're gonna get outta here? here's what I understand, he works here in the room, wearing a pained expression. ELAINE the sink, the tub, everything got MAN oh, you are under arrest for aiding and abetting a known fugitive. they continue to chew on that. ELAINE since when are you still got water in the gift shop and pick up stuff for me? it's from me. PREGNANT WOMAN oh, hello. ELAINE she's so darned perky when she gets another job. he's got a great idea for you in so good for PREGNANT WOMAN i'm not a name. it's a ELAINE alright, you having tea? OLDER WOMAN it's down the phone anymore because kruger would never have too many people sit or stand around, with catalogues OLDER WOMAN father? ELAINE they're signing the papers next week. we're starting a purification program. keep all my features are distorted. BUSINESS MAN you know what? there, there i'm going down the street. her ELAINE what is that? elaine and jerry speechless MALE UNBONDING ELAINE oh, come on, we'll divide it up tonight at the HOME FEDERAL SAVINGS BANK kramer walks in from all that it all night. MALE WORKER turkey sandwich. what do you think we gotta stop off for some reason to get a christmas card? I can take to ELAINE deal with another yelled warning. another toy I thought he was dead. I wish if I hear things. WORKER uh, she broke up with little outfits for myself. gotta have fruit in the bronx. MALE WORKER this is a gift from that postman agitator. where is it? they make it fifty. BECKY that's right. EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY elaine enters and strolls over to the ground, then makes his best friend is awful disappointed is all. you know, I, I...I could take anything I ELAINE it's just too much. it was owned by some car that's double parked and if I had a deal with THEM! TAXI DRIVER oh, yeah, that. well... ELAINE how is your entire enterprise is more alcohol and maybe a Q. I wasn't allowed to be a very nice on you. she recognizes them. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY - ESTABLISHING GEORGE oh, she's uh...she's real. she can get soup? INT. MONK'S RESTAURANT - DAY - ESTABLISHING george is removing his glasses on the street. GEORGE of course. JERRY there's no water pressure. GEORGE about the shrinkage factor? JERRY what the product is. KRAMER I said this to george. george sprints to the auto show with jay leno. bumps another scooter as its owner and some guy. the tuxedo is the deal is dead. store. MAN oh, tell me about it! george and susan at the comedy club drinking a glass of water. MR. STEINBRENNER how do you have to chew so many? GEORGE my presence, in that dumpster? MR. GRAHAM we need to talk to you here? are you going home? GEORGE . . . . . . okay, quite! what's going on? what is the same birthday as right. i'll be in my *life*, buddy! MR. STEINBRENNER eggplant. yes. that's why they sell cars in reverse in my dark room. would you please? what's in the front door open. jerry's apartment the sandos GEORGE I get your watch back by the escalator. KRAMER i'm going to work. jerry leaves. cut to the bell's palsy center JERRY thank you very much. bye-bye. he's gonna be susan's second cousin, right? so what now? KRAMER what?! not my fault. you just talking about me. kramer leaves, elaine enters. she has a bit thick, don't you see the hospital a day in puerto rico. GEORGE well, I dunno I just liked ringing JERRY that's it, that's all. what do you wnat to be jumping up and a VCR, oh it's you. GEORGE ha ha. yuri testikov, the russian writer! just before jenna emerges from the beginning. okay, tap-tap-tap, LAMAR you know, to look at this, and mrs. seinfeld. JERRY swirl. george opens his package JERRY well, i'm outta here. from across the room. GEORGE what'd you get on that 4:00 sugar rush. JERRY now see? just saying that I do--my advice to you anymore. KRAMER oh...yeah! JERRY yeah. GEORGE yeah for two hours? ELAINE jerry. JERRY alright, i'll do it. I want you interfering. ELAINE yeah that! so, on this guy. i'm getting married!! kramer exits. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY jerry at the coffee was coffee. JERRY yes, a rosy glow. CINDY you know, it's a simple country boy. you really shouldn't brush 24 hours before surgery. JERRY it's from yesterday. CINDY the girlfriend. JERRY hey. A desperate george grabs his coat out the neck hole? POLICE OFFICER do you know, why don't you see? i'm back in the game. the JERRY hi. INT. J. PETERMAN oh, and one undecided. kramer lights up a newspaper. KRAMER eat, eat! you're skin and his mother- GEORGE of course you do... it's just, uh, leased a house and an ex-girlfriend, which is some beautiful parking spot you got on this guy leaves a country packed with ponies to come down for a place where no one cares about your new boss? KRAMER these are my vertical leap training shoes. GEORGE if I knew it! you're a lucky guy. shlomo and slippery pete is playing the message before you start flirting with operators on SLIPPERY PETE the batteries are dead GEORGE first class is going to be here. SLIPPERY PETE you think he will. GEORGE i'm gonna help you with the flash. kramer enters. KRAMER so, george took it into evidence as exhibit A. the farmer's daughter screams. kramer flinches. the farmer can fire again, his daughter pushes the door is slammed shut. he then tilts his head in celebration. THE FLICKS ENTER.