[generated output in 1 tries] THE WIZARD written by alec berg, jeff schaffer & david mandel spike feresten david mandel, dan o'keefe, gregg kavet & andy cowan INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY george uses his finger to draw a number of toys. WATKINS it's t-bone. GEORGE that's it. i'm not a bad person? WATKINS that sounds like fun. GEORGE who's your favorite chess player? watkins and george are at their home in queens. GEORGE i'm sorry i'm late. KRUGER george, we have a pony? who leaves a jacket to reveal GEORGE my story? WATKINS all right, the intervention. should we be able to tell her to this house! KRUGER well, then I can't talk to you for taking care of, and then you dump them off to be about this. I know it. WATKINS it's t-bone. KRUGER all right, fine. I got to get compliments for GEORGE you haven't told you about the ponytail? ALL FOUR let's get out of that? INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY the woman SALES WOMAN right this way, mr. vandelay. GEORGE so what do you mind if I reach for the dental work. the way over. I couldn't remember it like a drug. SALES WOMAN right this way, mister doody! george and jerry, they probably know who that woman exactly what i'm up at the video tape. JERRY marla, kramer. KRAMER guess what? cheryl convinced ping to drop dead. I win, I don't get your number? I met in the office. JERRY so you want some leftovers? I made it up. beep, beep, beep. tractor story? elaine turns to face the passengers. two other guys. INTERCUT JERRY'S GIRLFRIEND no soap? JERRY he gave me cream! I asked her if she calls. what will happen? COMPUTER VOICE you have to break up. KRAMER stupid table. you know, my friend jay reimenschneider eats horse all the way how we can talk. JERRY what for? ELAINE no, i'm not saying that! you hear me? in my face. VEGETABLE LASAGNA please don't tell him? how much was it for five bucks, he turned me into it. slinging it over my shirt. flies are landing on them. JERRY what happened? ELAINE egh, jake jarmel? KRAMER no, not really. my friend jay reimenschneider eats horse all the marbles? GEORGE yeah! that's how I got the shoes, still ELAINE you painted your face? GEORGE seemingly. seemingly. but within that basic framework there are tribes in indonesia where if you GEORGE it seems to be, yet who among us hasn't snuck into the night. ELAINE someone I really believe GEORGE chamomile's good. lemon lift. almond pleasure. GEORGE well, you bought a cooler? AMY what are you saying? GEORGE no sports jacket? I don't like the way he talks. AMY hello. GEORGE buzz cuts? parachute pants! INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT elaine smiles. JERRY there's nothing wrong with ELAINE what about the a-team. jerry's at his desk, no thanks to you. ELAINE no. stay! stay. stay. JERRY why are we getting this? ELAINE bye. JERRY elaine? jerry opens the door with a short, stocky, man of integrity. but, I did not *really* happen to have you yearned? LISI lovely evening. JERRY melanie, you can and if the game tonight, and if MONTAGE lisi leaves. JERRY yeah, maybe I should have seen it yet. thanks a lot! both greet each other anymore. you're great but i'm saving it for awhile. LISI look what they did it. lisi is sitting on a pencil? JERRY aha? GEORGE me neither. I love this couch. don't even think about your boss? the guys enter. JERRY no good? ...they got no mustard, huh. GEORGE hey. JERRY yeah, the chip-in, defenitely! GEORGE bread. JERRY mona a baldo. GEORGE coffee. too much for his jokes. JERRY it's 5:30 in the GEORGE i'm not* sure. just have a nice dress. LAMAR so that you JERRY i'm going to offer both. LAMAR hallelujah. praise the lord. but i'll take out an avocado. jerry sits in a cab with you. JERRY you know, they always make it. kramer joins jerry and george to swerve and hit george in jerry's apartment. KRAMER ok. he wipes strawberry juice from his bedroom and returns as george looks unhappy at this point. INT. MEETING ROOM - DAY - ESTABLISHING elaine is talking with pam at the waitresses. MAN excuse me. EALINE hello? MAN IN THE THEATER ELAINE really! MAN 4 hey fake peterman, let me talk to him ELAINE yeah. you know mr. steinbrenner, sir. there's someone else. MAN excuse me. I wanted to talk to you. ELAINE well, for one last look around the engine clotted. you know a friend who used to love her. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY - ESTABLISHING george enters GEORGE you hurt the hamstring? DELIVERY GUY we're having the law is the other -person. GEORGE all right! take it easy. it's not very flattering. how did it to george's apartment building, then inside to a hundred dollars. DELIVERY MAN no. it's the leonard christian article about my feelings? don't my feelings count for the end of kramer's coffee table book into the living room. jenna switches off the automatic feeder. GEORGE yeah, I know. no awkward pauses.. I need you on the couch while jerry paces behind her. ELAINE kramer listen, it is clear that jerry SHE LEAVES. GEORGE so? what'm I gonna do? KRAMER yes, yes. the quality, the texture, the intoxicating aroma. these music plays, and pedestrians walk by faster than the offices, JERRY i'd rather it belonged to jon voight? GEORGE why does the fee, once paid, not entitle the buyer to some scraps? JERRY hey, it looks bleak. i've been home for a 6:00 pickup ELAINE oh, hi valerie. what's up? JERRY more like scottish. KRAMER you said, no matter what. HE IGNORES HER AND KEEPS WALKING. JERRY swimming? KRAMER see, showmanship. maybe that's what I had the right here. HE EXITS. JERRY what's wrong with everybody? KRAMER heeeeeummmrph.... i'm gonna personally notify them. ...and, ah, line up ELAINE why couldn't we have a JERRY well, when you got me in this GEORGE I didn't see him. JERRY as a federal case out of here. GEORGE yes. ELAINE fusilli jerry? KRAMER i'm proud to offer me any? GEORGE reparations! kramer hears them, looks worried, and moves KRAMER well, um, goodnight. STOCK FOOTAGE puerto rican day parade. EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT kramer is still wearing the bucket? MAXWELL doesn't sound like a swan. KRAMER hey, boys and get out. MAXWELL do you mean? the engagement is off, we get back to florida, you're poor. KRAMER well, newman, I need to borrow his racquet. the MAXWELL hey, you know that, don't KRAMER whoh! MAXWELL you wanna come down to the store I can't use condoms. KRAMER yeah. just delivering some presents to my fiancé. I know he's promised me a hack. MAXWELL do you still friends with richie appel? KRAMER or is it ..A drawing of mr. pitt's mail spread out on the library is it's an enzo. MAXWELL hey, you know that? kramer moves in for the card. is this all about uh, KRAMER how about I do something terrible? kramer takes a quick u-turn, pushing george's face drops. JERRY I have no closet sensitivity. george takes off the floor. JERRY you don't look at the pound? they keep you away to his window, and uses his finger and you must look. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY elaine waits for a moment later. MAN IN CAR hey! what are you using my latrine. but it was jerry. EALINE what is that? it's saturday night MAN #2 yeah, that's right. you made what? ELAINE I don't like the show. actually, a few games with her mouth, she'll be delighted to talk to you. when you're a shmoopy! MAN where am I gonna get the coffee? where do you design? ELAINE what the hell? MAN yeah? ELAINE his name? THEY TURN TO GEORGE, WHO'S GAPING AT SOMETHING. JERRY did you enjoy your lunch. big deal! KRAMER no, man! not the toilets, it's not him! ELAINE right there. KRAMER hey, hey, hey! get back together, anyway. it's thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly ELAINE quiet! so where did you ask for the conditioner to work. KRAMER jerry, it's jack klompus. ELAINE really? JERRY not good. ELAINE right. exactly. so I made a mistake! JERRY I can always kinda kramer is pushed open from the get well get mengle. george's office GEORGE that won't be MR. THOMASSOULO will you shut up? I was under the impression that I tried to kill myself, and the police think that the car we could've figured this would never name my baby bluey. GEORGE simmer! MR. ROSS it doesn't give you a question. if you could die.. GEORGE my little dumplings. monk's. george and I will help you. JERRY yeah, that looks aren't even a maid. GEORGE I think you're dead! JERRY ow. stupid fold-out! why'd they put the hurt on the program. I got invitations to six other women with a spanner. GEORGE why is the kind that castro smokes. you can't do it. I saw that guy still there? JERRY sure. they share a laugh. scott enters from the paramount, i'm jodi JERRY hi roy. what? oh my god! LISI uh-huh. uh-huh. what about you? you don't have them anymore! JERRY well, what are we ...dog meat. MONTAGE lisi exits the boutique wearing a shower of JERRY he can't hear you correctly--and I think i've reached the point to it. they sit in a knish.. KRAMER you see it. ELAINE they look very contented, very satisfied. KRAMER oh, they don't do anything. ELAINE what? KRAMER oh, that's nice. alright, i'll cash the checks. GEORGE uh, mr wilhelm. KRAMER that's the person that they make appointments for if they have gone unfulfilled. you-you-you-you can't live without his valium for a few choice numbers. it's those two ladies I got it. GEORGE let's see how you're going to have to go to like those real JERRY why does he want the massage! KRAMER jerry, you better get going otherwise george will make me nervous - driving to the airport. GEORGE I don't like it. SHLOMO I don't know where you're going. GEORGE oh no nonono i'm not worried. it sounds like a kid with a large SHLOMO so what do you want anyway, george? GEORGE oh, oh, uh, I think it would have to go to a dental chair. KRAMER PBS pledge drive. she picks up the rental car shuttle, we walk away. GEORGE but why? KRAMER yep, well I have to hold the key for these tickets. music plays in the JERRY you quit the business. GEORGE so, uh...wanna double? JERRY you don't have any ashtrays. NOW THEY SPOT HER. ELAINE I don't have five thousand. clean. good bye. KRAMER I don't deserve it so often, I mean authors. JERRY wait a minute, please-- KRAMER hey!! buddy. I thought you said the kitchen drawer and offers it to me and I actually KRAMER you want to see our dessert menu? GEORGE hey hey hey. JERRY aren't you there in that photo, until I remembered you had a stomach ache tonight. you know, the bania and jenna walk over. BANIA okay. okay. JENNA don't worry, your bitterness is safe at home. BANIA kramer, I uh...i don't know what they're made of wood and in as if someone outside were trying to screw it in 1947. it's it's incredible. JENNA mmm. my mouth on fire? BANIA did you have? JENNA what?! bania walks up dressed in exercise gear, emerges from the bathroom, talking to me. if you get a little george costanza still holding. JERRY elaine, let the legend die. it's like that anymore. what happened with margaret? GEORGE I mean , when I was wearing glasses. JERRY people are seated first come home from the hoffer-mandale clinic in england. GEORGE hi, I uhm... what can I have an announcement. your grandmother gave you a reason? JERRY you were meeting kennedy. GEORGE alright. i'll tell you what I just wanted you to do is to turn into a cake. i'm sorry. i'm soured. JERRY I can't get a picture. michael, get the money around. GEORGE yep, and the gyrations. you really are one hell of a vast decision-making body. before anything gets done there are sounds of breaking glass, jerry dropped his bottle. puddy and elaine come round a table, in a swamp, with the rest of my car? PUDDY hey benes, how are the crepes spraying? ELAINE I never said anything to keep it another shot. CAB DRIVER okay, terminal three. have a case like this girl get away.. interior of an apple, CAPTAIN mr. kramer, looks like tonight I will do it again. ELAINE my, george this is vintage. they don't belong!!... jerry's apartment, jerry is talking with wendy at the movies with them often? ELAINE I know! it is not some parlor trick to be ensconced with elaine. JERRY hi, happy birthday. GEORGE good, good day. how was it? JERRY not good. i'll have to support jerry? GEORGE okay. JERRY so you heard the story KRAMER tell me what you EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT KRUGER so, how was it? INT. PARKING GARAGE everyone in front of the problem! GEORGE well, you're gonna participate KRUGER george, take a drink to patty as she leans toward bob. GEORGE uuh, sleepy. KRUGER hey, koko, who's this? GEORGE I think I do. but I have a KRUGER I don't want anything to happen again! GEORGE yeah, I did. my boyfriend george? KRUGER george, I just came back to del boca vista pamphlet. GEORGE koko. KRUGER ahem. now, what's this guy todd gack. george and bonnie are at a decent desk for writing your KRUGER ...and it *is* embarrassing, because a real sidler. COCO what did the revenge date go? GEORGE doing quite well, thank you. KRUGER works for PBS, I met her *one* time... george and susan at the supermarket. KRUGER hey george, did you ask for mr. pitt. we want to? COCO when I hired her from falling, or zip up. I couldn't help it! GEORGE we can't grieve forever! we gotta confess. COCO my name is conspicuously absent from this limo and they start to...itch. GEORGE wait a second,... COCO my name GEORGE go, go, go! KRUGER are you all gone mad?!! GEORGE then who did? KRUGER I find her GEORGE alright, the dentist thing was a delicate white wine intravenous. KRUGER george, take a cab. GEORGE would I be in? I believe i've played that role before KRUGER I find them repugnant and unappealing. COCO what did you tell me. it's a beautiful woman. they don't rake the sand traps! not to be my new plates. my name is magnus. GEORGE like who? KRUGER george, come in. come in. come in. COCO when I was raised. i'm special. my mother had GEORGE I don't know anything? KRUGER works for jerry. GEORGE hey! george and jane KRUGER well, i'll be back in a coma. GEORGE how come I never liked them. KRUGER who's gammy? ALL bye, now... INT. TAXI CAB - DAY - ESTABLISHING the wall of the cycle? EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING KRUGER ahem. now, what's this plant for? INT. KRUGER'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY everyone in the 70's with these guys? KRUGER george. MALE WORKER elaine! where're you going? don't take no more pudding. i'm starting work here in couple of seats. elaine is in GEORGE yeah, look at that price. KRUGER hey george, did you offer any kind of scratched. GEORGE what? KRUGER george, take a look at all these people. GEORGE I might add. ALL hi michael. how you doin'? INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT elaine meets kramer of jerry's apartment ELAINE you really think he does in there? he gargles. gammy might be worth a lot more to fix the tonsils and the bobby dials 911. BOBBY would he ask your parents are gonna make it! EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING jerry scratches his ankle furiously LAMAR jackass! JERRY I only knew you would. george heads for the ticket. i'm going down tomorrow. morty's gonna miss his plane for seattle right now and then go to joe's. JERRY so you're telling me. KRAMER well ... I lost my voice screaming at this party, and I was on holiday in tuscany. do you have photos in your life. the hearse is like having superman for your pleasure. JERRY okay. KRAMER huh.. my batteries are dead wrong. JERRY it looks like it if you'd stop it already? KRAMER right by the city that look just like the funny *beep*er. EXT. LISI'S APARTMENT - DAY KRUGER maybe there aren't any ice cubes. INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING everyone is just completing jerry's name underneath the couch with kleenex and jerry at his meal, looking suspicious at the movies. blimp is playing the game tonight, and you turn around? KRUGER vemonous? MALE WORKER elaine! where're you going? GEORGE oh, it's gonna be rough. KRUGER are you sure you flourish in this thing. i've never seen a goldfish? ALL gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! GEORGE I tought that... THE END