[generated output in 1 tries] THE PHONE yeah. yeah. I dropped two spots. written by alec berg, jeff schaffer, david mandel INT. BLEACHERS - DAY the houston astros for talks on that dress. LASER GUY the laser's not funny. i'm not difficult. i'm a holistic healer. it's a little hair. I took over here right now, I gotta go. GEORGE ech. what else have you ever mention this? INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY elaine moves very close there. very close. PETERMAN inside that small college boy minifridge is my town. you don't mind my asking, could you keep watching? ELAINE ach, maybe. LUBECK charmed. mr. peterman enters his building. mary spots him from the schwinn's bell, and kramer then exacerbates his problem by kicking the gun PETERMAN what is this? ELAINE mm-hmm. PETERMAN I know about shrinkage. EALINE hello? PETERMAN and, in two days! mr. peterman on the exact same outfit. EALINE ohh... PETERMAN I just thought I was out in my mouth. mr. peterman sent me an explanation. EALINE what is that? PETERMAN very soft, huge button flaps, cargo pockets, draw string waist, deep biswing vents in the calvin klein dress, is walking stiffly, ELAINE the K man did it! LUBECK you all gone mad?!! mr. steinbrenner can be very long? PETERMAN the fire truck. ELAINE yeah? well, i'm also an architect. PETERMAN and, in a tree. camera shot down on the mollusk last night. EXT. J PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING jerry hears a loud thud. MAN yeah? JERRY well, I want the tape. MAN NO.3 lost 15. INT. ESCALATOR - GOING DOWN TO A ROOM vote for kramer. along the sidewalk, past a TV series? elaine quickly puts the FIREMAN I drive my people hard, and then I thought, I can't be banker, I don't think your parents were upset, huh? ELAINE I am glad george. EXT. BARRICADE - DAY CINDY your nickname's koko? one of those bottles and cans in INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY - ESTABLISHING cindy gets up a fax. KRAMER you gotta take you away to cross the street from the hallway. JERRY he's like that ruin what could I do? I gotta run some errands, so look. when jerry opens a closet full of GEORGE gee, that's too much. JERRY imagine the laugh later KRAMER IS SHAVING. HE SNEEZES AND GETS SHAVING CREAM ON THE PHONE MESSAGE elaine recognises the voice. JERRY come on george. ELAINE he said they can never be able to check on nana at the hair or something! JERRY alright, i'll tell you what. i'll show these people from matsushimi are here. ELAINE do you!!!.. because that's the guy who's running around riverside park-pffff. you know, what I would make fun of me and nina.. JERRY oh, we're heading up to the car rental agency, jerry's eating a hot LAMAR oh. sorry. I thought I was, I was just uhm... I wasn't allowed to postpone the wedding? I got some spring in the box is right on to dinner. she's got the most unbelievable thing about his contretemps with susan. KRAMER from now, on, i'll be there, but leave a phone number off an AIDS walk tomorrow! JERRY what is that? KRAMER oh, boy, look at that. se that's that fire I was in a society! we're supposed to do with it. but between you and I would be nice if I were you hitting on you. ELAINE oh! well ... I think she was looking pretty hot. I was gonna get outta the car. JERRY oh hi. JERRY you're not a joke. SECURITY GUARD I don't like all the checks and you're not in the waste basket then as the doctor said she can't even see the saab INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING KRAMER well, he called me back.. never apologized. nothing. ELAINE you know I was in real estate? KRAMER my whole afternoon! I was saying that for a tickle fight? ELAINE what guy? KRAMER so, you're gonna have any? I mean are we kidding? it's impossible! it's your apartment! EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY elaine sits in his corner. ELAINE no, i'm still going on here? elaine walks in. ELAINE obviously. and if they had plans. PREGNANT WOMAN i'm not in the yankee envelope? ELAINE so how was the rest of your friends sick! right, elaine? POLICE RADIO attention all units, all units code 3. all units code 3. all units in the 8th century? they just throw me out to INT. BLEACHERS - DAY BUSINESS MAN wanna make any ELAINE were you hitting on jerry assisting her and is extracting his glasses on! EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT george takes the binder and feigns browsing and flips the handle turning, as if i'm curt, then I asked him if I didn't see it. GEORGE who would lead? the clown? DELIVERY MAN just sign there. the traffic. GEORGE my code? JERRY oh. GEORGE I know you? JERRY I better get down to a lawyer. GEORGE oh no no no no, i'm fine. ELAINE during schindler's list? JERRY I would never let anyone through. ELAINE no, no, no. don't be soured. JERRY who's gonna move the mirror? GEORGE so, dad.. ELAINE because we're an interracial couple. KRAMER alright, look. jerry, you promised you're gonna take your bedroom. GEORGE where did you describe yourself to anyone you've ever seen.. oh, he is a disguise. KRAMER hey. GEORGE it's my second day. you can go through all my dreams? JERRY uh huh, I understand it, is why you didn't even use it. GEORGE but i'm keeping it. i'm stuck out here with your neck? JERRY so how does she hate me and her. come on coffee tables. GEORGE no, no ugly side. ELAINE i'm sorry. is there ever a good point. KRAMER rock. ELAINE yeah, yeah. oh, really? two dozen? KRAMER I didn't get it. ELAINE oh, come on. KRAMER forget it. I mean look at the office. GEORGE i'll make it right. KRAMER o'brien. JERRY elaine, why did you two are homosexuals, so what? it's a sick twisted mind could penetrate this fortress of security? I tied a bow. KRAMER you can't - oh no! the letter, newman, it's got JERRY & ELAINE no. stay! stay. stay. KRAMER what happened to my mattress. . . . . . HE ended it? GEORGE he's a dear. ELAINE oh, boy, i'm really sorry. KRAMER no, I can't, I can't. INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY ELAINE george, please. what about ponies? what do you think the best INT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING elaine and george are at the door. ELAINE remember when you mail me a personal favor! elaine sits behind her desk working at the barber shop window and screams. OLDER MAN well, you might be the problem, officer? ELAINE john F. kennedy jun-ya! PRIEST una senora que te vino a ver. ella dice que tiene informacion muy ELAINE yeeah, but david and beth got separated last night! PRIEST leave me! you disgust me. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY jerry leaves. JERRY I don't have any money involved? KRAMER yeah, see ya. JERRY half of KRAMER all right. i'm two in the hot-tub. they're stripped to the kitchen is always the JERRY hey, my new secretary KRAMER oh maestro, you, what are you okay, jerry? you seem quiet. jerry sits on the couch, watching only you could get through, JERRY I didn't even hear how interesting the change with the car, rather he get it? JERRY I was in the first lady of the bro on the cusp of a joke. GEORGE so dad. JERRY hello newman. GEORGE ah you have to make a deal. they get JERRY would you mind opening up the other members of a sick guy, he's a reasonable man, but he's alright. he's in there and try again. hi sheila. GEORGE all right, all right. I got rope. um, I know what that cost you a little problem here, jerry. all up JERRY right. GEORGE too much salt in my lifetime, and george looks table. as soon as he slips off GEORGE might be time to go. you're not a very complicated move! I couldn't talk. I couldn't help but think the guy who stopped saying hello? way. jerry and elaine sit together on saturday afternoons? newman brakes to a healthy relationship. NEWMAN an alliance? the couch. jerry enters, and approaches him. kramer's face lights up. he had said liam neeson, you'd know he's promised me a lift. KRAMER/TURKEY hey buddy. newman screams and runs out. jerry and a date JERRY you're welcome. jerry looks surprised. JERRY i'm going out with you. CINDY so? JERRY they won't do anything; in fact, he's collapsing. CINDY I don't respect what they do to lend a hand comes out from a distance, you seemed a little doubt. I mean, I know I can't believe what's going on. cindy gets up from his little joyride yet? GEORGE well it's a cry for help, he wants me to a tenant, while a JERRY you never slipped one past the LAMAR what was your good friend of ours too? JERRY I can't stop it, stop it! that's what mail is. without bills, magazines and junk mail, george steinbrenner's office. the doctor stares away. GEORGE alright. i'll put it on video. we could sleep in my entire life. MARIO so where is all that gunk. JERRY those are the MARIO no. GEORGE does the salesman have to say anything. MARIO oh, thanks. that'll save us. JERRY the cleaners? how did she name the kid? MARIO here's your pizza pea brains. GEORGE what's wrong with her? MARIO oh, thanks. JERRY how's it going? GEORGE how would you pick up your little bag. JERRY just in time. GEORGE well...i'll ask susan about it, so, i'm JERRY boy, you're a big difference. GEORGE well, we.. we, we, ah.. JERRY you know, for the past twenty years you have to put the wallet into the legs of the movie... maybe we'll have lunch with lou. GEORGE I, uh, I was four. if I wasn't here, but it's changed my mind, there's a loud knocking from the united volunteer representative of the terminal *exactly* 17 minutes after their flight is supposed to do? i'm gonna wear this on my leg?!! JERRY yes, it can. ELAINE went out with it. KRAMER no, no, no, no. what are you drinking that milk? ELAINE did anyone say anything? KRAMER jerry, I want everyone out! JERRY george i'm telling and you can't smoke in here. ah, here we are. because you're an oriole fan, right? KRAMER well, I may have made the mannequin. you know, a member of staff approaches. JERRY come on jerry, open up. we need someone, huh. KRAMER that will compound with interest for decades. JERRY what, you didn't realize, uh, I don't think so. KRAMER hey. super's in my line? nobody kisses in JERRY it's not necessary. KRAMER yeah, well, because we never should have told me I was in the shower with you? GEORGE thirteen thousand? KRAMER hey, frank! GEORGE yeah?... KRAMER look, jerry, we don't care, i'm not a good tip! GEORGE hey! great plane! thanks a lot of things. george enters, unhappy. he tosses the sparkler into the hallway. INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT elaine comes by with that in my entire life. did you try your engagement story? ELAINE maybe i'll just call him. no real person underneath? ELAINE hi, it's me. she sees something in your office first thing tomorrow. I need you to sleep together? OLDER MAN well, I sold raincoats for thirty-five years. ELAINE yeah, A big salad. she just spit them out. OLDER MAN hey, hey, hey. wha... wait... what, you're considering this? PRIEST father hernandez? PREGNANT WOMAN oh, hi. joel.. oh, you better believe it. people are having dinner. ELAINE green lantern. BUSINESS MAN but my friend george, we have to do in japan? ELAINE come in. EXT. J. PETERMAN yes, yes. INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY elaine is giggling gleefully at jerry's apartment later that day. ELAINE oh it's a very funny programme... changed. we're back together with equipment and supplies in 12 hours ago. PUDDY i'm not gonna go call work to do, you just keep the dog is prancing in the restaurant owner taking the trash out for a job! ELAINE kramer, you're gonna be different once we design something specifically PUDDY two and one of those containers of orange drink, for five years ago! what has happened to him? ELAINE yeah it looks like the pekinese. PUDDY look elaine, I want you ELAINE OK. PUDDY sorry i'm late, but look at jerry. elaine does a funeral on friday? ELAINE ok. TAXI DRIVER oh, yeah, when it's already under glass? ELAINE I dunno, get the vibe every once in a garage, it's my favorite ball players of all those cars get damaged? why are you insane? no, take 55th. she looks like an it. EXT. KRUGER'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY she pays her fare and gets up. she points to her ELAINE you know what? the pony remark? PHONE TAPE jerry, this is a sick, sick joke on poppie. how could you just screwing with me? EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY - ESTABLISHING JERRY I don't like her? INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE/JERRY'S APARTMENT KRAMER yeah. ELAINE listen, I got a little bit? KRAMER jimmy leg. GEORGE what, it didn't take much prodding either, I must know. JERRY yeah. well, he wrote a 20 minute bit about jimmy olson george waves away their best pitching. they got their own case at the rapt brett. JERRY thank you, thank you wave? hey buddy! hey! GEORGE HI ELAINE... JERRY I do, kramer. country right next door. GEORGE weren't you taking allison? JERRY no, but in one fell swoop so we can't look at the whole set was destroyed? GEORGE so, what's the difference? the money for the door. JERRY what? GEORGE I told him george walks away, leaving george's gatsby ambitions in tatters. EXT. BARRICADE - DAY A couple of years ago. OLDER WOMAN oooh! OLDER MAN well, none of us ELAINE ohh! oh, the dogs with her family cabin's been burned down, she learned her father's a homosexual, and she liked you. not you, elaine... OLDER MAN hey, aren't you the code. ELAINE kramer? BUSINESS MAN you got go back to where another couple of questions anymore. ELAINE you get a glass as there's action in his drink. elaine and morty, sit round the room. TV guide is always thrown, never handed, to another person. ELAINE yeah... she never wants to responsible? when ever anything goes wrong, the first place. ELAINE make it the worst godfather I ever meet up with these things, I know what they think. that's why the pharmacist has to work out with someone later, i'm not the feats of strength. the good car! INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY CAB DRIVER okay, terminal three. have a general idea what it's all taken care of. I filed a report. an investigation is underway. ELAINE what is it an eight room luxury suite. she breaks away. MACHINE message two... fax squeal. ELAINE yeah, yeah. I left him with a melon hat. but he ain't funny. the twosome go back there with you anymore. EALINE mr. peterman, I, uh... have many relationships. another call. ELAINE no, no. it's not danish. EXT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY - ESTABLISHING kramer opens the door of dressing room 3 and a date to go to that, if you get the job? KRAMER so! the plax too. EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY jerry and meryl having breakfast at the dixieland deli all day. LAMAR jackass! JERRY ya that was some act of total disregard. it's selfish. kramer leaves, elaine sits in his parent's cadillac. KRAMER okay. JERRY how you two go. KRAMER george, we are not a JERRY I got good ducks there, huh? KRAMER rock. AND SECURITY GUARDS ARE IN A CAR. GEORGE IS STUNNED. JERRY they sealed him up and scam your insurance company, you'll have to pick someone up. A computer! GEORGE I am not above the rim. kramer enters. KRAMER when can you talk about a couple rule! we have time. jerry runs into banya on a roll. I am better than KRAMER hey! anybody up for me! JERRY hey, george, did you? KRAMER for a while. at least steal a box of raisinettes? it's perverse. JERRY there's been a bit of an apple, not a third of an elevator arrives, and a familiar crunching sound GEORGE april. JERRY we'll be blunt. i'm burnt out. i'm fried. my mind for a drink. ah, daquiri ice. here we are. because you're perfect. you're a phony? KRAMER maybe. ELAINE and he's using his connections in the sink. KRAMER no, no, this is it. GEORGE that's the genius of it. george loosens his pants, he looks just like me. nothing wrong with my JERRY hello. GEORGE deeply in love, GEORGE twelve dollars? I knew what I can find out. so were going to walk along together. AMY I had to. you see, that insures good business. you're not supposed to meet you. is this the better. I can't do the tub? GEORGE what about at the airport, right? JERRY why not just a weekend with ellen? GEORGE I don't know what I think. kramer slides in. KRAMER that's right. JERRY what's the matter with your father. INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY KRAMER that looked like some kinda comedian. ELAINE george, I don't even know how you look. JERRY I don't talk crazy. ELAINE well i've known you a pillow? jerry's train. he is wearing much of a sting? KRAMER hey. JERRY all right. you got it? KRAMER oh, good morning, good morning, good morning, jackie. JERRY oh. RADIO after this wednesday. JERRY what physical characteristic would you like INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING kramer exits, closing the door opens and brett stroll up to and arcade? KRAMER yeah, the one I told you, you there is any, and you just close the trunk of my finely knit sweater. PUERTO RICAN DAY KRAMER shall we say an hour. and that's all I gotta go, I give you a taste. kramer waves away the squeezy option and shuts the door opens and kramer all jump into the back seat, george is all this silliness. I know INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY the object sinks down into the machine. SALES WOMAN the asking price is $1.5 million. GEORGE wilkinson's got a headboard? you'll need my frequent flyer number, huh? SALES WOMAN mr. o'brien? george and kramer in the background, another woman JERRY he's gone, george. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS george doesn't meet with his approval. he spits out the window of a parked volvo. GEORGE y'know there are literally hundreds of people! my parents. pleading. telling them the story. she george enters KRAMER what kind of perverts JERRY come on, i'll rub some lotion on my mail box. KRAMER wait, wait a minute, I know your type. JERRY what for? KRAMER alright what's gotten into you, what's happened?!? cindy walks out of it. CINDY thanks jerry, gotta run. she lifts the patch up to the naked man has to grow....or die. KRAMER uh no. look at the restaurant, ask her if she doesn't like the jacket down on my face, hands and JERRY it. KRAMER now this, I told you george, no more than 5 seconds. 1 JERRY oh he's uh, self-employed. he's... KRAMER so ya know, why don't you think is the best time, george! jerry's apartment. KRAMER no no no it's ok, don't be a laughing stock, all for the play. I was just a guy. JERRY all right, all right. ELAINE um, what exactly happened down there? KRAMER so what are you ELAINE well, I just saw the photo, and it was the alcohol or the kind that castro smokes. you can't act. KRAMER what? ELAINE what? JERRY elaine have you tastes the soup? JERRY c'mon! ELAINE if you want, JERRY yeah, we talked up a case. you got that? LAMAR hey, black saab. JERRY well this is my case. LAMAR hey, jackass! get me a half hours. should I shake his hand? jerry sits by the time than gabbing with my junk mail. JERRY oh, look, he's going away on vacation. went to podiatry school because I am the president. CINDY no. that was a thing except for george, and the JERRY drawer. A sandwich of epic proportions. he hums to himself as he emerges from the POLICE RADIO attention all units, all units in the toilet, where it burns his fingers. that's the point. you put on the suburbs on a pedestal, with JERRY stop the show!! INT. LISI'S APARTMENT - DAY JERRY could I have a little something for support. SECURITY GUARD you can take the cap off, or you'll have to get them to someone that doesn't surprise me, ya know, a friend are sitting in a booth, sipping coffee. JERRY ah, i'm gonna take jerry months to get in there. JERRY too domestic. SECURITY GUARD that's it. and in sympathy. JERRY what?! INT. JERRY'S CAR - DAY 3 JERRY you know, progress? she steps in just trade away their best young prospects, just like him. I couldn't. you know, I realize that. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING jerry and george in his hand, where it is. stacy keach. JERRY she likes me? LISI yeah. JERRY maybe it'll be okay. LISI ha ha. ha ha ha. lisi is pacing back and forth in italian JERRY no, i'm sure I will. GEORGE yeah, ha ha, the ukraine. INT. LISI'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING JERRY it's just mono. INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY george drops the JERRY hello. GEORGE oh, you know he wasn't supposed to be called maestro in social situations. I mean it was moops. elaine and jerry. ELAINE yeah jerry. JERRY but I did. ... maureen this water is too hot? coffee is supposed to your honor. ELAINE it's not the money, he didn't show up. anyway, this person can pay for something. the cashier THEY LEAVE. JERRY ooh! very convenient. KRAMER they're a comedy club had a really cool thing is just a first draft! kramer stops chewing and by his face, he's not functioning the way I express myself. how are you guys got to breast feed in public. KRAMER not necessarily. JERRY hey georgie! KRAMER I am an art-adorer! I adore art. JERRY they act like i'm neil armstrong. I turn my life last night. he was doing well over 100. KRAMER WALKS OFF. george leaves. JERRY yeah, it's a lucky thing I know, he's not back? GEORGE yeah! how'd she find out? GEORGE nice to meet somewhere AMY I had him for calling back. no , no bomb. GEORGE it's a pleasure taking care of myself. my only concern is that the new york in the room. george shuffles down beneath the restaurant JERRY the bump into me again! now, gimme your wallet. come on. will you stop it, stop it. KRAMER oh yeah! middle finger, straight up, at me! I was gonna get hurt. because if you ever consider coming to town with that dog. JERRY elaine, would you hang onto it for me. KRAMER look, I can't help you with that! JERRY oh, it's true. i'm george! KRAMER you can handle that. GEORGE oh, come on. JERRY anyway, i'm ready to go? LAMAR hey, jackass! get me a favour. ELAINE and i'm elaine takes a mouthful of seafood. ELAINE yeah. JERRY what for? EALINE mr. peterman, there's something wrong with my mother. oh, you didn't go. JERRY yeah. hey, dad, you know that? GEORGE hey, hey hey. don't worry about me. i'm sorry leo's moving back too! ELAINE so what? you think the weightlifting and the underwater bubble cities? JERRY I swear to you, I saw that. JERRY didn't you do those lifts feel? ELAINE you speak japanese? JERRY beats me. ELAINE why? why is she nice? JERRY what do we get to ride away. ELAINE wait up! JERRY you wanna come and get ELAINE yeah, I got fifty cans. you want to get you home to your mental alarm?! JERRY all taken care of. I filed a report. an investigation is completed. so obviously, we would have sent you that he's in the store. MAID is this a dill? JERRY yeah. the limo and they serve you this JERRY oh come on up. ELAINE what? what? that? are you mad at the coffee shop. jerry is on the peterman reality tour... JERRY no body said you're getting all crumpled and ripped from being GEORGE uuh, sleepy. JERRY no, i'm not a wit. GEORGE that's uh, KL5-8383. are you all out of my cab. JERRY is it going to the car, and sped off, right on the photo. SALES WOMAN the asking price is $1.5 million. JERRY really, thank you. SALES WOMAN right this way, mr. vandelay. JERRY yes you do. you disgust me! you thought she was sent to a fantasy world. every time you get fired from a bottle of water and drinks from his pocket. SALES WOMAN mr. pennypacker! JERRY well, i'm here. what do you think? SALES WOMAN right this way, we have some more, take a look. JERRY hi tide? SALES WOMAN right this way, we have a donut like everyone else? JERRY seth, if you hadn't mentioned anything, I gave a reason. SALES WOMAN mr. pennypacker! JERRY yeah? INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY 3 kramer leaves. A buxom blonde woman in the mood. RADIO ANNOUNCER devils goal! stephan richer scores from just inside the JERRY you jammed your key privileges. GEORGE oh yeah, I never came back. JERRY no, don't slough that off, you can't do that. GEORGE oh, the guy's got quite a dilemma. you know, but he's adorable. JERRY hey. GEORGE is ted danson's deal standard? george and jerry enter a store to see him all that I move to long island and have all the names he could pick, why settle on jon voight? the actor? JERRY hey, tim. GEORGE he didn't show up. JERRY she's playing, pagliacci's wife, nedda. KRAMER excuse me. I could hear you correctly--and I think i'm losing it. KRAMER i'm going. HE SLINKS AWAY. ELAINE ANGRILY CONFRONTS KRAMER. JERRY hello, christie? I was draughting behind a big mistake? KRAMER hal, .. uh langerhans. JERRY who ever thought he's better than that. I am leaving. he's always bragging about his contretemps with susan. KRAMER well, you'd be happy to. JERRY no,, but thank you. I want details and I crossed against the KRAMER well, tell it to any kind you want, but if you find you way back after my massage. ELAINE george, hi. I called him maestro. JERRY why are you sure this all right? KRAMER well, this has truly been a break here? can you relax, it's a fine product. anyway I just wandered in here?! JERRY hello? KRAMER jerry, these people that they're using it. kramer runs off screaming. kramer runs across a new EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY INT. APARTMENT - DAY 1 elaine opens the door. FIREMAN all right, i've never been in an apartment. all my fault. ELAINE no! EXT. J. PETERMAN elaine, what'd you do? george lets this sink in. GEORGE listen. I just came by here at a garage sale, and this new move. is there any money but I have three sizes. medium, large, and large is jumbo. MAN excuse me. i'm not answering anymore. george looks like his stuff? GEORGE I love that movie? JERRY oh come on! I haven't told you to do. GEORGE of course. JERRY well, if she splits the atom, i'll let it GEORGE an eye job. JERRY right. GEORGE doing quite well, thank you very much as if having a fight with raquel welch. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY 1 INT. SECURITY GUARD'S OFFICE the patrolman cracks and leaves scene. kramer is handing out envelopes to a tractor. SALES WOMAN it's down the violin player and the couch -- we see george give him the cartoon candy's dancing and prancing. fresh air. . dandelions. we're doing that child quite a character. kramer.. GEORGE she'll twirl. SALES WOMAN yes! come in, come in. george and bonnie are at julianna's office. JERRY AND ELAINE yeah, well... KRAMER no, no this woman has my tax papers? ... my last job was in here for? JERRY wha'd you buy that suit. the store and he gets lost over there. i'll pick you up, not happy about this. KRAMER george, I can't ELAINE we don't have a talk. GEORGE same thing. ELAINE raquel welch! JERRY really? MAID is this symbol? JERRY ok.uh MAID is this seat taken? JERRY alright. MAID is this all right? JERRY yeah..... he caught me in the cab. MAID all done. JERRY I don't think so. the sombrero wearer waves away the compliment. JERRY oh, quit complaining. at least you've got yourself a lifesaver. I call him and GEORGE I just wanted a chip ahoy. ELAINE yeah. all right. so I told you about something. JERRY so you and I went to the paragon movie people start going under the spell of JERRY boy, those azaleas are really something. ELAINE oh, who do not need sharp interlocking LAMAR what was that page number again? EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY INT. BLEACHERS - DAY - ESTABLISHING she takes the ELAINE oh, our stupid friend jerry told me that katy was friends with both of you to get you seinfeld. you useless pustule. um, somebody's got something on the polygraph. the pen back to the sardines. PHONE RINGS ELAINE it's me. PHONE RINGS ELAINE I don't know if I called him honey. PHONE mr. morgan is sitting on the floor. EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY JERRY i'll be waiting long. I can visit when I met at jerry here, prancing around in a gust of wind. INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT jerry has spotted something further along the hall notices her. JERRY I should look nice. kramer brings his first hand down to a funeral. KRAMER I didn't do anything. see this guy said city sidewalk, george is an unusual number of complaints. music on the right. hmm... dies and his eyes run over a MAN the code!! the code!! the code!! the code!! the code!! george goes back into frank's bowl. GEORGE what happens with larvae hatch, they-they're everywhere. LADY 1 I think i'm going LADY jerry! LADY and I are LADY 2 he's funny. A woman that never stops. ear puberty, nose puberty, knuckle puberty, you gotta help me! INT. KRUGER'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING the time. GEORGE how are you doing? give me some cantaloupe. KRAMER oh yeah, hold on. hold on. SLIPPERY PETE I thought he was younger, he had to do career day? SHLOMO so what do you know that? INT. APARTMENT - DAY george, look, i'm gonna call melanie again. so what happened to sargent shriver? is he okay? GEORGE smoking. EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY ELAINE what? INT. TAXI CAB - DAY elaine puts a bench outside. ELAINE jerry.. george, kramer.. this is important. you're no good becasue we've got to be careful with it, okay? be very filling. there's another appetite coming right down to the movies? ELAINE I had that bobka! MALE WORKER this is james kimbrough. hello? hi? uh huh, what's that? ELAINE well, what we can straighten the whole thing out, so listen, what are you still got that mustard stain out of this cab driver's picture, right? another subway. jerry comes back groggy. WORKER three calzones. MALE WORKER this is what she was like they look over his hands. BECKY becky gelke. G-E-L-K-E. EXT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT INT. KRUGER'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY elaine reaches for the job! so, keep it up. ELAINE what tell? what's a bubble boy? JERRY good. KRAMER am I? you touched my arm. GEORGE what does that mean? george puts his hand which is printed F. COSTANZA, 1344 QUEENS BLVD, FLUSHING NY 11353 table. GEORGE well, anyway, the book store. way. jerry turns away newman follows behind jerry and george come round the room is festooned with mayan goods. all her clothes, bag, NEWMAN ah, she just practices good hygiene. george leaves MR. ELINOFF pun? GEORGE well, sorry I didn't do anything for his first name or number. right. i'll be right back. they're supposed to be a mess. he told me he thinks I got no hot water, you can't do this at home? girl trouble, love trouble of any kind? MR. BEVILACQUA READY - ON YOUR MARK - GET SET - and he locked onto the what's in the crowd. russell is missing. jerry's apartment, jerry is sitting at the golf bag at the table laughs. except for the rest of my favorite movie. the mailman accidentally put your pants on, sid. GEORGE so they're like savages. DELIVERY GUY delivery. elaine benes? the bike, as jerry walks toward the door. GEORGE yea. DELIVERY BOY you really have access to one of the whole world? why can't you tell? EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY kramer hauls himself over a woman wearing cleaning gloves KRAMER yeah! ..well, are you in the wedding is off. GEORGE nowhere. JERRY oh, I got scared there for the pursuing cable guy, leans against the wall catches elaine's eye. it's an antique. GEORGE i'm the boyfriend. JERRY valerie's not coming out! KRAMER hello. GEORGE pass the time I needed to make a call from the bronx and see what finger she uses. KRAMER oh, I am not one condo available in tuscany? wait a second, you know I love you very much, you're very quick, aren't y'a?. it's just a couple of days and he hasn't called. JERRY oh, why not? GEORGE well who doesn't. JERRY he fired you?!? GEORGE what does that matter? JERRY of course you can. why not? GEORGE I feel depleted. kramer begins to work in the shag, KRAMER I get upset, i've yelled. you've heard me yell. JERRY no... I find that enriching? CLUB ANNOUNCER ladies and gentlemen, this is a bania and jenna walk over. KRAMER well, yeah... there. NEWMAN all right! i'll call the police. KRAMER w...it's four. NEWMAN something's happened to the auto shop. elaine arrives. KRAMER desoto's down, but cosmo's got the paper is exactly the point. NEWMAN of course. KRAMER all right, jerome, i'm in. NEWMAN because I saw it. KRAMER I don't know how there's nothing we can still go out to rock-a-way NEWMAN federal employee. KRAMER well, I almost made myself newman hey, another round of golf NEWMAN nevertheless, ... george sits up in MR. ROSS that's why you put off doing the same look my mother, and GEORGE nothing...little problem. MR. PITT have you ever keep your spirits up through the urine! GEORGE gimme the card, fits it into the crowd and I ate a green one, and the farmer's daughter goes wide eyed. MR. LIPPMAN what is with these people..? GEORGE so, anyway, effective immediately, miss benes , he's gonna be pretty dangerous up there right. wrong. right. wrong. right. right. wrong-- MR. STEINBRENNER no, no, not at all. what's going on? first, he vomits on me. i'm not going up. it stinks up there. too much of a booth, huh? jerry's head in celebration. the good spot. oh. oh. uh. uh. yes, that feels good. GEORGE well, I guess i'll get it out the window? ELAINE how do I have room! ELAINE some ugly baby, huh? MAN I have. it's not like those tip calculators, huh? ELAINE yeah, well i'm just, hm, doing my bits? MAN IN THE CROWD GROWS UNEASY. ELAINE oh, congratulations MAN I get frequent flyer ELAINE oh... MAN what about you? INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT JERRY so what are you talking to is get amy and jeffrey together somewhere, that's it. and then I took over his she starts to withdraw his head in just knowing that you're not gonna be milking holsteins in the offices, because you didn't notice it. let me speak with the soup nazi threw me off EXT. MONK'S RESTAURANT - DAY jerry and christie have just walked right by the way you have your license and registration please? GEORGE alright alright JERRY you saw in that paper hat and stay calm. GEORGE very curious. INT. MEETING ROOM - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING kramer heads toward KRAMER well, you know what street are we doing? he get off? INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY elaine and eddie are sharing a booth. ELAINE good! I won't! the brush falls into the hall of pride there, a lot of hard work ruined! INT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT CAB DRIVER okay, terminal three. have a carpet sweeper. they don't show up there, you put blood in my cell threw a banana peel. I turn and then and only the bike's true owner would rather date the blind people don't do you know what you should try this dress on ELAINE I got bugs she starts talking about this guy? I thought but apparently it's just a second. don't start the ELAINE umm. trustbuster. bust this. BOY hey pops, isn't there a problem? ELAINE hey todd. let me play a free trip to burma where I itch. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY GEORGE i'm not going to be here? INT. PARKING GARAGE - GEORGE AND KRAMER OPENS KRAMER but it's time for ELAINE alison! hi, this is great. KRAMER ah, you know what would those be? GEORGE hey, people, people, people. not bad, huh? excuse me. kramer violently twists elaine's head to toe. KRAMER yeah, so what's it for? STOCK BOY no puffs. just flakes. EXT. MONK'S RESTAURANT - DAY kramer is still buying them. I didn't see him. he was uncomfortable. MAXWELL why don't you just have him KRAMER well, this is exciting! this is by calling it. one of those things. MAXWELL you wanna see you. KRAMER well, I don't know what they think will foil the crooks, you know? he has openly professed a deep breath MAXWELL do you do, i'll be right there. you can just call her up for coffee. KRAMER I haven't done anything romantic like this opera crowd, I would think. MAXWELL you know sweetie, I just wish he has to do is work all the money you're losing. KRAMER no, no, this is it, uh, doable? MAXWELL doesn't sound like you put each other anymore. KRAMER IS COMBING HIS HAIR. TRYING TO PRY THE BABY TIGHTLY. MAXWELL why don't you see? you got my spot? kramer and jerry have you arrested. KRAMER well, i'm sorry, jerry. maybe i'm just moving in together - he squeezes the miniature head. MAN i'd like a bolt of lightening. the pick. BOB what does that mean? KRAMER all right, all right! all right. lets get the coats come in. BOB what does he ever been bobulated. CEDRIC what are you kidding? people love it. BOB oh, wow look, that one is about love between a dentist or caligula? KRAMER I traded it to the shop where you got it? BOB I hope you saved room for it. CEDRIC that's not going to take me forty-five minutes. have you noticed george was growing up.. BOB do you do? KRAMER he can't hear a thing. okay let's get another rye. of course, she has her head kramer notices a small framed KRAMER what did you know the next thing you stink at. okay, that's it. i'm done. jerry begins opening the ground as much room as george speaks, ken is driving carrie to the owner. she agr4eed to keep it clean JERRY so how'd you meet him? kramer goes into the store and exchanges smiles with you... george's girlfriend. GEORGE care to make this pain go away. MR. PLESS well, he's a dentist. you have to talk. what is it? GEORGE you have some kind of operation? monk's. george and susan. JERRY I was telling you they're with GEORGE wha! you know, this is a hideous freak maybe, maybe I will. JERRY this is gonna be late. see ya later. GEORGE how's it coming? JERRY it was okay,. he's coming with me? but I didn't even know what it was... GEORGE what's he looking at? get out! ten thousand? JERRY toilet paper? KRAMER oh, tell me your key, I gotta go to, uh, you have to know why i'm different. I didn't see you mr. costanza. JERRY babu, i'm gonna get out of the medical establishment, see, they tried to stop jerry talking. GEORGE no. we're supposed to be called soda. JERRY tuck in, tuck in. GEORGE so you're pretending to be at work today, I went on here JERRY please. kramer begins to ride back in high school. KRAMER that's the positive thing about first base. and I know it's not my birthday. he looks around for a snack of some INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY elaine picks it up so he was doing standup comedy in L. A. for a parking ELAINE I did ? she comes and goes. EXT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING GEORGE well, that was shooting up the last time I went across the street. uh, I moved into a woman's line before? INT. JERRY'S CAR - DAY JERRY hey, elaine is gonna have a point, I have time to go. if anything opens up. okay, jimmy? she starts to laugh as he sees cindy walking on the exercycle at the floor CINDY so? JERRY no. no. no. no. no. let's get going. CINDY no. my money. JERRY no. I had fun with CINDY the girlfriend. JERRY these beans are pretty close. CINDY I don't want a show about nothing! JERRY sort of a seat? CINDY hi, elaine. JERRY so, you wanna bet? how much will power to throw you out. you think I see and what type of quiet dignity. CINDY you know, I know. JERRY yeah, what's going on here? is she socially awkward? A kid leans out the window? POLICE OFFICER hey, what happened and I have a little more. you know what that cost you after school. i.m late for me now. it's like with stockings and JERRY well this type of fungus, I couldn't wait. I didn't get any air! he couldn't get away with this. INT. ESCALATOR - GOING DOWN TO A ROOM vote for kramer. george tries to JERRY *I* don't like kimberley? EXT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING ELAINE what's going on? INT. JERRY'S CAR - DAY elaine enters with a truck. GLC must live on! noreen's late! PETERMAN elaine, i'll be on medication I don't know. but this is it. ELAINE what? PETERMAN that irreverence , that wit i'd recognize it anywhere. some charlatan has stolen a ziggy and EALINE what is that? why do I always thought there were too many containers. big mess, big mess. PETERMAN well, elaine, it wasn't funny. ELAINE you mean..? PETERMAN oh, elaine just called, she won't mind if I can still go out of here. I got a tip that a woman in a nice piece of cake, you know? he knows a guy who overslept at the casting? EALINE what is he talking about? PETERMAN it just me, then. alright! back to nana. mr. ross. one never knows how to thank kramer. EALINE um, excuse me, i've got my seven PETERMAN oh, no no no. course not. I *was* bald. ELAINE eh...he'll get up... PETERMAN all right, here is that so? ELAINE so we're not doing it. they're all made in the bathroom! LUBECK no, $2.19. it's an igloo. mr. morgan left for a place to meet a woman under two hundred-fifty pounds. PETERMAN I know she's important. ELAINE I can't remember the date? PETERMAN ah, yes. well -- so, uh, how's duncan? EALINE hello? PETERMAN and I am not going. ELAINE get out! you are so far she can't see a long trip, he's sleeping. PETERMAN it was like lubeck inspects the cake. outside in a handicap spot. right in the 70's with these dishes, huh? PETERMAN i'm afraid we're going north to michigan. LUBECK no. they have a little battery. PETERMAN I think i'm CHEAP? how could you still wanna go? LUBECK you all dressed up for? PETERMAN that inferno rattling sound that has got to LUBECK charmed. PETERMAN I understand, I made sure of that. LUBECK charmed. PETERMAN elaine? guess what. morty seinfeld and I LUBECK i'd say about the tone in her way. PETERMAN I wanna go to the window, but he should be based on all my life. what has LUBECK i'd say it like a ELAINE hi. EXT. J. PETERMAN oh, no reason. kramer begins to ring. KRAMER all right. as you can just look for the job. goodbye, jerry. kramer leaves his apartment waiting for the party. KRAMER oh yeah! jimmy. JERRY what? KRAMER not as nice as JERRY he drove a car service. we have a class. KRAMER well, maybe you think I feel?.. hey let me give you a life saving doctor and get JERRY we couldn't just sit there. i'm george costanza. KRAMER oh, boy. kramer waves away the compliment. INT. BLEACHERS - DAY there's a bag of oranges. KRAMER uh, yeah. SALES WOMAN mr. pennypacker! KRAMER what do you want? JERRY yeah, tomorrow. KRAMER the only sex you're going there, maybe you think you should have asked me to remove it. elaine and mr. kramer projects a rugged masculinity. INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY GEORGE yeah, listen, I can't. what if I may have a monogram sewn on to see her... GEORGE jay crespi, how am I supposed to take his dog to new york? ELAINE I guess i'll go get something to consider. SHE LEAVES. GEORGE he stole your statue? KRAMER oh, I think it has a timeshare in myrtle ELAINE what do they want me to book anything else to you? this is so nice of you seemingly JERRY that's what you are thirteen, and I ain't leaving until I go to a cab? GEORGE there's no theirs there's no chance in hell! JERRY oh yeah. so, how's the neck? phone rings. jerry answers. JERRY well, yeah...sure. thank them.. GEORGE yeah. i'm doing here in the background. kramer leaves and they wanted to say something, but then there were no people. JERRY hey. george off to your boss called. you owe me seven fifty. LAMAR what was the one. A big screen TV! good for ya'. retards the aging process. JERRY I didn't know.. george enters, his pants are actually on fire? KRAMER I see....yessss. little miss candy bar with knife and fork. JERRY duck, kramer! duck! KRAMER well, why? jerry and tony stand beside the register to pay ten thousand going twice... KRAMER AAH! AAGH! JERRY well I I just.. KRAMER oh i'm sorry. I lost it two days ago, he's gotta be soft. KRAMER whoa whoa, backup, dr. sitarides, what happened to you, we know what you're paying at the zoo, siena HE EXITS. JERRY pull over? did you get those clothes can disappear. WE STAY WITH JERRY AS HE BRINGS THE INSTRUMENT DOWN. SECURITY GUARD uh huh. JERRY what is that what you mean. SECURITY GUARD yeah. JERRY her tip. SECURITY GUARD your wife? JERRY yeah, like I don't have to wwear them every time I don't want to carry it away than see it for you to read a book. INT. PARKING GARAGE - KRAMER, WANDERING AIMLESSLY. ELAINE well what, what happened to you? INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY jerry walks away. GEORGE in six games. JERRY oh. your ballet tickets. GEORGE no, no, no. she carries entemanns doughnuts in her house was in bad shape. JERRY that's right. now it sort of bachelor paradise. GEORGE well what happens when he gets here treat him like ten seconds! JERRY did you get my fortune magazine in your audience if you upset him, he'd run out to the third row. congratulations, thank you father. GEORGE we rode along all the left-overs on the TV. george and kramer are, uh, how was your idea. GEORGE oh no, george, we're sorry. MAN #1 can't do this for the death certificate, and we'll go. no, nothing doing. jerry, I would like you around. GEORGE what, ... you don't have to do this. I mean, you didn't think you'd accpet. MAN NO.4 won 50. george runs away MAN hey, I thought i'd find you a question. who was going to the bottle. WOMAN well, this time, seinfeld. . . wait a second, he just went through my jerry and george are at the coffee pot and walks away. sweat. kramer and elaine. BANIA how about a few paces, takes a moment and then....... KRAMER you smell it? JERRY look, i'll go downtown KRAMER I just explain... kramer steps out in a good son. GEORGE that's perfect! he's a genius. here we are. JERRY what about the napkins? GEORGE maybe she was going to. KRAMER i've made an explosive out of the house. I got a dog? SLIPPERY PETE you think we have NO DEAL! KRAMER cigarette? SLIPPERY PETE I thought you wanted to pretend that i'm here to tell me about yourself? SHLOMO they put me in my favorite toe. INT. PARKING GARAGE - KRAMER, WANDERING AIMLESSLY. george, elaine and kevin in elaine's bathroom. GEORGE and she wants the bike? SHLOMO he looks around himself. on the yen. GEORGE well, you can't SLIPPERY PETE we're stealing it. they stop seeing him. GEORGE I gotta deal with you. kramer in the hotel room. KRAMER hey. he pulls out a few times, but apparently, when the door opens and george go to the airport to pick him up. KRAMER now what's with you for the lamar starts to leave. KRAMER I got some people I hardly know, and the christian rock? kramer gets up and a monkey to turn this thing was not present at the funeral. INT. JERRY'S CAR - DAY - ESTABLISHING there's something about a few moments? KRAMER yeah, yeah, well, I might add. SALES WOMAN did the K man did you get? KRAMER hey, man. good set. SALES WOMAN would you order from the car! KRAMER she does not wash off so easily. SALES WOMAN did he fire her? KRAMER oh, he's impossible to get. he tries to thumb INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY 2 elaine opens the door. ELAINE well what do you wanna come with me. JERRY well, so, look, the cleaner said you couldn't do it, she finds my stupidity charming. EALINE hello? JERRY I thought engineers do that. GEORGE we go to? JERRY well, it was a crock. it's even worse than these chairs! GEORGE she called. he yelled cartwright. I missed my period. JERRY oh i'm lying. why would I have to apologize. ELAINE that's my quarter. ELAINE what? PRIEST I heard so many other fast ones. EXT. KRUGER'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY 1 jerry and george are talking. stu and jay enter. JERRY what? KRAMER well, I was right. my fault. elaine gathers her stuff together, ready to go. JERRY i'm not familiar with our arrangement? ELAINE yes. I ran into george: yesterday in the air. JERRY look, if we're not getting married, not him. joe dimaggio sitting at her computer. mr peterman tries to unlock this mystery. ELAINE mr. peterman, you wanted it! KRAMER this is a little spice, are you? JERRY you what? KRAMER no,no,no. kramer opens the door. ELAINE all right. that's enough now about that today, I discovered there's a little too seriously. KRAMER yeah. listen, could you have been discussing sydney and take JERRY momentum - same thing. you're just gonna have appointments. eleven o'clock is gonna cost me? KRAMER what? JERRY so, did these thieves start the bidding. ELAINE ok, gentlemen. the fact that you came right upstairs, without talking to is him? that's not JERRY hey, come here, ... sweetheart ELAINE kramer:, are we together? JERRY what writer? it's a misprint. KRAMER I can't see on your shirt. JERRY me? A godfather? ANGLE ON: KRAMER AND MYRA. SHE IS SOBBING. ELAINE my leg looks pretty bad. A grubby jerry sits on the shoulder at ELAINE too good. she steps in an alley somewhere. EXT. LISI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT GEORGE bert... har... bin... son. bert har-bin-son. INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT - DAY george sits down with you. I don't buy it. LADY 1 hey! there's that clown LADY that's right. A panicky george rushes toward a payphone. INT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY the girls return from the second time I don't normally-- GEORGE that's not a marine biologist! i'm very sorry, you had the irresistible urge to make you nauseous, right? JERRY ah...catalog writer's block? GEORGE I lost my pen, too. JERRY well, I gotta take off. CLUB ANNOUNCER ladies and gentlemen, our flight time, with stopovers, will be dead. you do that? applause from the odor? BANIA elaine, where's kramer? was the... I thought you just could call TV JERRY you're just trying to call a--- BANIA oh. this is fabulous. my god is that lima bean? exterior of george's arms. george gets up and down. ELAINE so what does he have to get together. again later, and it becomes a series? PUDDY caring about how my peterman stock options are gonna be any day now. ELAINE what, uh ih? here again. VEGETABLE LASAGNA oh god. I really wanna ELAINE so, essentially, you chose the cats? cab rides away. THE OLD MAN hey, hey! we're discussing something!